When I was a kid time went by slowly. It seemed a week was a year, a month was a decade. Now as an adult, it flies by faster than you can blink. A week is a day and a month is like two! I can't believe May is almost over. It feels like it was just Groundhogs Day and the nasty little critter saw his shadow and predicted a longer winter once again.

Yet here it is, almost June. The school year is just about over and before you close your eyes, summer will begin. Summer, being my favorite season, will be over in a matter of hours. I should move south where the summer lasts longer. Maybe that's why seniors migrate that way. If the summers were longer, maybe time wouldn't seem to pass by so quickly?
Up here in the northeast, we base our days on the four seasons. Summer and Spring fly by like a hummingbird zooming by, so quickly you aren't sure if it was a bird or butterfly. Fall is usually whooshed away right into Winter. If you're lucky, you get to see the leaves change colors because before you know it Winter comes. And with the Winter come the holidays. Those sneak up on you and are usually over so quickly that you're not aware they even happened until you've stepped on a scale wondering how you gained so much weight!

And now we've come full circle, a new year and a new Spring.

Yet, I'm still pondering the moving south bit...does time seem to pass by slower when there are fewer seasons? Can the secret to slowing down time be as easy as hopping on a plane or a car or a bus and head where you have one or two seasons as opposed to four? I'm willing to test this theory if anyone is willing to sponsor me??

Window of memories

I'm fortunate to have a beautiful view from my desk at work. I happened to glance out of the window today and I saw yellow and red flags decorating the battleship, USS Massachusetts. Yes, my view is of the Battleship Cove area in Fall River with the (now blue) Braga Bridge in the background. The view is very captivating. I enjoy watching storms coming up the river from Rhode Island and the sun setting down river in the Fall and Winter. I get lost in the whites that show up on the water when it's windy. But this scene is more than just a picturesque view of church steeples, rooftops, and a Bridge over water. It's a daily reminder of memories from my past. Between 1984 and 1989 when we were stationed at Ft. Devens, we would come down to Newport during vacations. My parent's had a time-share in Newport and we were frequent visitors at the Newport Naval Base. I believe on one of our trips we sailed from Newport to Fall River (because everything was by boat on these trips but that is a story for another day!) and visited the Battleship Cove. If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend it! We did the vacationer things by touring the USS Massachusetts and most likely going on the carousel. It amazes me that 25 years later I'd be married to a local man and actually be working in the area that I once visited years ago. Let alone, be able to see it daily from my desk at work. It's crazy how things in life sometimes set you up for something later in life. Almost as if my trip to the battleship at 9 years old was a glimpse into my future. It makes my battle between believing and not believing in fate and destiny hard. Was it a mere coincidence or did it happen so I would have a common factor with the man I would eventually end up marrying or to give me a a story to share?

Title-less

It's 1:45pm, and I'm still in my pj's. And no, I'm NOT embarrassed to admit it! Actually, I am. I should be out getting stuff done, but instead I'm sitting in the chaise, playing Farmville, and twittering.

Why am I so unmotivated???

The list of excuses:

I'm sore from yesterday's workout (and probably Thursday's too!)

I worked all week.

It's a holiday weekend. (Well, if you live in Massachusetts it is!!)

It's gloomy out.

It's cold out.

There's nothing to do.

I've got no where to be.


On the other hand, I have Farmville cash to spend. Friends in Chat. and videos on youtube to watch....

What would you do?

Lost in a world of fairytales

I'm not sure that what this society is doing to us is the best thing for us. From the early stages of life we are told stories that have happy endings. That FATE plays a powerful roll in how things turn out. We watched as Cinderella went from being a poor lonely maid, to queen. Or how Prince Charming came to Sleeping Beauty's rescue in the tower. Who can't say that they wish this would happen to them? Who hasn't wished they had a fairy godmother to make things right? Everyone wants the Happily Ever After that is promised in these stories.

Where is the fairytale about the normal girl, who falls in love with a normal boy and they live, not so happily ever after? Neither one is prince or queen - and the evil in the story is the ugly green monster, MR. MONEY??? I want to hear the tale of the young couple who on a daily basis have to deal with the trials of REAL life; jealousy, money, commitment. I want to see what they do to create a happy, well content, household. I want to see them actually have to make decisions, instead of letting FATE decide. The story of a couple who started a family too early in life, but through hard work made their OWN happy ending, yet knowing that tomorrow the UGLY GREEN MONSTER may come back to harm them. I don't want to hear that everything can be solved with TRUE LOVES KISS, or that there's a PRINCE for every PRINCESS and LOVE CONQUERS ALL. I want a story that shows you have to WORK for your happiness and that it's not just given to you by your fairy godmother.

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm happy with my life. I have lived the real life version of this fairytale. Pregnant at 18 with a guy I only knew for 6 months. I guy who told me in February of 95, just after we found out we were pregnant, to not worry about anything, he would take care of me. Which he has. And here we are, 15 years later and we are happily married (usually) with our own bright beautiful princess. It's not to say our fairytale has been easy - let's face it, we didn't have a fairy godmother to wave her magic wand, say a few rhyming words and make everything turn out just right. On the contrary - we had to work extra hard on making our story. Working night shifts, double jobs....crappy jobs. Anything and everything to fight that UGLY GREEN MONSTER. Every day is a new battle. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win. Of course, we are still FAR from a HAPPILY EVER AFTER. We call that RETIREMENT.

Fate? Destiny? Religion?

Do you believe in fate? Destiny? God? How can you believe in evolution and still think there is a higher power that is in control of how your life turns out? Unless, Adam and Eve were microscopic organisms....but..

I don't know if I like the idea that my decisions have been pre-destined already. Yet, so many forks have crossed my path that would have made my life much different. If my family had stayed in Wells, ME, where would I be today? I recently found out that the boy I first fell in love with, killed himself and his girlfriend. (This happened a few years back) But it made me think, what if I hadn't moved out of Wells? Would that have been me found stabbed to death in my apartment in PA? Then, we move further on in life. I was enlisted in the Army as a Senior in High School. But, days before I was supposed to ship off to basic training, I backed out. Had I remained enlisted, I could be in the Middle East fighting a war that I'm against. I could be dead.

Instead, I followed the path of my heart, and got pregnant at 18 by a guy I had only known for a few short months. Who would have thought, 15 years later I would still be with that guy, happily married with a bright BEAUTIFUL daughter? The odds were against me on this road. Yet, I beat them.

I'm on the fence about this whole fate issue. It's hard to think that one is NOT in control of their own destiny. That you don't have a say in how your life ends up. Yet, I sit here wondering, what if....Were the higher powers at work when they helped my parents make the decision to move to Saco? (Destiny of death by boyfriend no longer in play) Who was it that made me choose a civilian life over Military life that put me on this particular path of pure happiness? (And not stuck in 100+ degree weather fighting for a cause that I don't agree with. Possible death?) I don't want to think there is a force out there, greater than all of one person's thoughts and feelings, yet I sit here shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders at how my destiny has played out. It's as if everything and everyone in my life has helped me get to where I am today.

Recently I was put back in touch with a friend via Facebook, whom I haven't heard from in a few years. She not only requested me as her friend, but my twin brother's fiancee. I was like, "Weird!" As it turns out, she is separately friends with my Sister-in-law from Bath, ME AND my twin brother's fiancee from a college Spanish class. We are talking a distance of about 300 miles between all of us. The odds?

Why were these people put in my path? Were they suppose to be subtle distractions to make me go one way over another? Had I not met a certain person at a particular point in my life, would I be where I am today?? Would I be happily married? Would it be Dave that I'm married to? Would Alyssa be in my life?

So, I don't know if it was fate or destiny or some powerful being that has brought me to this particular moment in life. I don't know if the people I have befriended were given to me to guide me to where I am today.

Whatever it is or if IT is anything at all, I'm thankful. Thankful for the wonderful people I have met through the years, the wonderful places I have been, the experiences that will stay in my memory forever.

I'm Grateful for the happiness I feel.

Be it from the hand of a god (or goddess), or fate: an inevitable course of events that led me to this particular point in my life, I guess what it boils down to is, I'm happy.

Are we there yet????

Are we there yet? Everyone remembers uttering these words as children.
Lately though, it’s been a phrase I’ve had stuck in my thoughts. This
winter seems like the “five hour car drive” as a kid that would never
end! I keep looking out my windows, checking to see if it’s here, a
subtle sign of recognition. I’m that impatient child all over again,
“Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

I know it's officially Spring, but it doesn't quite feel like it yet.

The trees are still bare; the grass is still a dull green/brown color and it’s still
getting dark before 7. Yet… look! There! Robins!! The crocuses are coming out and I see signs of growth on the trees. Isn’t that a sign? A sign that spring is here? Or at least almost here.

I hope so.

I’ve been feeling trapped since, oh, November! I can’t believe I made it through the many months of short days and frigid temperatures. Thankfully, we didn’t get much
snow this winter, but still, the melancholy of the season hit me hard! I’m tired of having to get bundled up just to run outside to get the mail. I’m done with having to pre-heat my car before I leave the house!

I want to open my windows, here the chirping of the birds in the back yard as they feed on the bird-feeders. I want to smell the scent of freshly cut grass! I want to have to put on my air conditioner because it’s too hot! I want! I want! I want!

Mother nature has been teasing us! It says it's Spring, We've had glimpses of Spring-like days....but as soon as it's above 50 degrees, WHAM! It's down to 30 again!

Sigh, yes, I’m feeling blue. I’m getting car sick! If we don’t end this long
cold journey soon, I may have to have you pull over and let me out!

A virgin's tale

I'm very proud of the fact that I have lived my entire life (the whole 31 + years) without a single cavity. Well, after a recent visit to my dentist, my "cavity-free" streak has come to an end. Yes, my back molar has a small cavity. Yikes!


I hate going to the dentist. I always have, and I think I always will. I'm not sure why though, as I've never had a bad experience. When I was 17 and had my wisdom teeth pulled, there were no complications – I didn't even swell up like you hear from most people. Thoughts of drills and needles and teeth being pulled – it's what I think about when I hear "dentist."


Before I left work to go to the dreaded appointment, I'm getting advice from my 13 year old niece. She tells me she's a wimp when it comes to needles (NEEDLES!?) and if she can do it, I'll be fine…..


So, my filling appointment was scheduled for yesterday. I got there early – almost ½ hour early! (Secretly I was hoping they would tell me they over-booked and had to re-schedule my appointment!) I'm in the waiting area, reading an old National Geographic magazine. There were 3 little kids waiting for their mom, who was getting a filling. She comes out and the kids ask her how she feels – she says lopsided…. Uh, what???? What does that mean??

It's my turn now. I'm told to go in station 3. I decide that I don't want to go through with this, and go out the front door. (Well, that's what I WANTED to do at least) The hygienist follows me in to Station 3 with my file. "Oh, you're getting your first filling today? Congratulations!" (Woo Hoo! My first filling!!!! Was that supposed to make me feel better???)


The dentist comes in - asks about my husband and daughter. I always liked that about him. I sit back in the chair and the hygienist sticks a swab in my mouth and leaves. (Uh, is this the ONLY anesthesia I'm getting???) After a couple of minutes they come back in together. So, he and the hygienist are chatting back and forth....blah blah blah...apparently the hygienist is getting married and she's frightened....occasionally they ask for my opinion. "Ok, open up." he says to me in the middle of an explanation to the hygienist about how she should tell her soon to be husband to take up golf if she's worried about losing her "me time". (I know what they are trying to do, they are trying to distract me from the 6" needle the doctor is about to stick in my mouth!) It didn't work.


I try not to look at the thing as he pokes and prods my lower jaw. I'm keeping complete eye contact with the hygienist, kind of begging her with my eyes to not let the doctor forget he's got this 8" needle in my mouth. After what seemed like 10 minutes of needle sticking, the doctor gets his drill. My eyes shoot open, and dart back and forth between the two. I'm not sure at this point if I want them to stop talking (I'm afraid she'll distract the dentist and cause him to drill the wrong tooth) or to keep them engaged so I don't think about the drill. I grip the sides of the chair, and turn my eyes to the poor hygienist. She wants to get married, but.....


Out come the drill and now a new instrument. "You're almost done, now we will just fill it. Do you want the enamel color of the silver?" I replied, Enamel, definitely. She then goes on to tell me that if I get the enamel, I may need to come in more often to get it replaced. Silver I say, with half of my mouth.


She laughed. I was done. "You can rinse she says" and hands me the cup. Uh, where are my lips? Do I have water in my mouth? I thought I just spat, is there spit on my face? Oh god, I feel like an idiot! Do I look weird? I feel like it's all swollen. I feel like Popeye! HELP! I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!


I say thanks and leave the office very quickly. I hope I wasn't supposed to talk to reception or anything.....


I'm tired now, after my panic attack. I just want to go home and go to bed. Wait; is it safe to go to sleep if half your head is missing???? How long until this crap wears off? I hate this feeling. (I at this point felt terrible for telling Alyssa to "toughen up" every time she had a tooth pulled. I remind myself to give her a big hug when I see her) I get home, finally. Everyone is telling me this and that about their experience. But, this is me! I just want to be normal again!!


Well, after 5 hours of not being able to feel the left side of my jaw, I finally went to bed.


I don't think I'll be going back to the dentist for a long time.